hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
