I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Michael Bay diarrhea
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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