I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
