C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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