I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Of course I have a pirate flag
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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