she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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