So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
He? As in you personified your dick?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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