Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
