I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
