If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
