this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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