Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
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