Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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