so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
