There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
That was an excessively violent trivia night
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Randomize
