And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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