Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
