ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
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Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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