so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
