Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
