it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
