at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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