u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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