If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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