Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
