She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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