Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
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it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
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does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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