went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
