For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I am midnight drunk by noon
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
