i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
