I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
