New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
