1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
