Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Green mimosas i think yes
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize