apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
