I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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