my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
