whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
