i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
