Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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