they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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