He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
