Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
