Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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