I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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