I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
