dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
