She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
