Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
