haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
