We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
this just has baby written all over it
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The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
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