I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
