The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I currently don't understand fingers.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
