Just cropdusted the office
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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