I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
