shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Michael Bay diarrhea
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
