i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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