YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
