oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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