Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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