I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Randomize
