I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
