She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
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