Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
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