i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
