Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
