In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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