Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
worst night to have a conscience
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
