Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
