Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
