Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
