Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I am mentally ready for anal.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
