The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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